For anyone who likes an abundance of unattended kids and mostly pee water. For the adventurer who loves authentic ‘man-made’ nature. Come join Humid Being as we dive headfirst into a +20 size family of legs and diabetes, and rate the magical value pool, we call the great, Ponce de Leon Springs.
First off, If your smart like us, you’ll definitely plan ahead and go at the absolute busiest day (Sunday) at the busiest time (noon). Make sure to bring plenty of ‘in-car’ entertainment as you hurry up and wait to get in line, to then get to the line. You’ll need some louder activities to drown out the sounds of your passengers regrets and constant complaints, as they can already imagine the better things they could be doing on a Sunday afternoon. Once we did our part in the 45 minuet wait, we then continued to the famous 'figure it out’ parking lot. Where you will again, be mostly waiting.
Congratulations! You did it. You finally got to the point of dangerously cutting off a minivan full of screaming children awaiting their baseball party, and secured the last of the Mohicans parking spot. When I got out for the first time, I made sure to really let it all sink it, as I noticed that human bodies actually take up 90% of the open area, thus reassuring todays good decisions.
(Please note, before you arrive to the springs, you’ll need to do about 3-4 months of heavy weight training) because you will be solely carrying all of your belongings about 200 yards through an obstacle of obesity. BUT, you will easily be rewarded with a sunburn and a brand new umbrella purchase.
Once you are settled, make sure you take advantage of the ONE guy, losing his mind, at the rental area. He will quickly tell you tales of management discrepancy and the trials of miscommunication between himself and the ‘air-conditioned’ front gate.
Now you are ready to enjoy a hotel swimming pool that can by definition be called a spring. Expect rough waters as 'free-will' Timmy finds it suitable to jump a cannonball on repeat. The salty sting in your eyes is only momentary, as you obviously remembered to bring the proper eye sanitation.
Once your 5 minutes of patience has run out, it is now time to move on to the to the calming natural side of the spring where you can be alone and one with nature, or at least ponder it as you weigh that moment with the price of a rental.
Well, we came this far, we might as well burn some hard earned money to prevent a wasteful trip. “One Kayak, please. Oh you have to pay for the life vest too? Sure”. Make sure you take it in. REALLY take it in. I mean like, fast. 30 seconds from boarding is the exact time when Mother Nature decides to blast you with her afternoon showers and thunderstorms.
Which leads to our best decision yet, deciding to cut our loses and make a break for the shortest route home. I had an very insisting need to see failure things at this point.
All in all, after taking it all in, we have rated the Ponce de Leon Springs from one to ten. We have decided to give a “Paint your neighbors house instead”. So if you are looking for a day you won’t forget for weeks after, a day that will have you writing a sarcastic article about, then my friends, you’ve come to the right place. See you there.